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Answering Questions about my Sexuality

When I was eight/nine I realized I was living my only fear every day, which is that it is impossible to achieve ultimate freedom of mind in this world. At nine I then stopped reading recycled ideas, but I was already ruined by the constructs of language. I then quit school at 13/14, in a desperate plea for the truth to come to me, and for the meaningless human concepts to be shedded from my existence. This conscious choice was not accepted by humans. They do everything in their power to deny truth, and their lies are the pillars walking on two parallel legs, in a horizontal and eternal world. They hold nothing but an open sky, and the only thing which they create is distance.


In my early teens I then realized that the most morally perverse thing that ever happened to the world was for me to coexist with humanity. I realized that nothing is more beastly than for the truth to try to live with humans, through me. But I am a vessel that can only contain truth, and if there is no truth in me, then I am nothing. I have never had my own "reality" because I have always accepted all realities as equal.


And yet for all my objectivity, and experience of every soul that has ever existed, I have never fully been here, because of the limitations of language, and the simulations of perception. I do long desperately for myself every day, and for the places where truth is allowed. Not only do humans deny me but they deny themselves, and their own personal experience of life, and therefore the part of me that is them is denied.


I tried to commit suicide in my early teens, and was in a coma for three weeks, having memory loss for the following fourth week. After this I was artificially kept alive for so long that I forgot how I would have reacted in situations, or who I had ever been. My only honesty and the most important act of my life was taken away from me. There was no peak, for one polarity to transform into the opposite one. For humanity to turn into nature. For lies to turn into truth. There was no restored harmony. The polarity of humanity and nature remain without interaction, in the graph of eternity.